Many believe that a palliative care residence is a morbid place that one should avoid at all costs. This belief is a myth.

It is indeed a place where sadness and tears are part of everyday life. But it is also a place where serenity and smiles from sweet memories are shared with sadness and tears. It is where kindness and tenderness flows.

It is also a place where residents accomplish their last projects, where their last wish becomes reality and where they complete their “To DO” list. It is a very intimate place where we learn about the life story of our residents and their accomplishments. We can learn so much when we switch to “listen” mode, when we concentrate totally on the person in front of us.

A resident, Mr. X, had a mission: to reach all his personal and professional contacts and encourage them to donate to our palliative care residence. This project excited him. He was proud to give a daily update with the progress of his efforts. One day, after his morning briefing, he told me: “I have a busy schedule today, I have reached all my people, now I must make a video to say goodbye to my followers of my social networks”. A few days later, I answered a call from a gentleman who needed immediate assistance. He wanted to make a donation and to make sure that Mr. X would be informed before leaving us. Shortly after, Mr. X passed and with his mission accomplished.

On another occasion, a resident shared with me that the week he learned that his medical condition was incurable, it had been both the worst and the best week of his life. The worst because he learned that his life expectancy was only a few weeks. The best due to an initiative of his stepdaughter. The young lady shared Mr. Y’s health condition with their social media networks. The message reached Mr. Y’s children who were living in different parts of the country. For various reasons, the father and his children had been estranged for many years. A week later, the whole family gathered to be with Mr. Y. For a few days, they reminisced and recorded Mr. Y’s life story. The circle was complete, he was ready to start his last dance.

The same young lady also invited his family and friends to share their testimonials in order to give Mr. Y the opportunity to know what he meant to them before he passed. The readings of those messages were moments filled with emotion. Many tears were shed. He was so touched, and his heart was filled with happiness and gratitude. After one of the readings, Mr. Y apologized for being so emotional. To reassure him, I shared a thought that the great author Khalid Gibran expressed in the text from his book “The Prophet” entitled “Joy and Sorrow”. Coincidence, this book was one of his favorites. Immediately, the conversation switched to Gibran’s work. For a period of time, we were far from the sickness, the pain and his imminent death.

These special moments of great humanity and kindness are in abundance at a palliative residence. They overshadow the sorrow. These are moments not to run away from but to cherish.

– Nicole Bourgoin Harlas